i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize