I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
