he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Pants are for mortals
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
