I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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