Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
