I could make wine with my vomit
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
