took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
