she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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