Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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