I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
