we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
