Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
