could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
