he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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