I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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