John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
