I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
