making cat noises will not fix the situation.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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