direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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