If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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