I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
