She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We are all done wearing pants today
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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