So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
