I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize