I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
