i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We have so much sex to catch up on
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
