What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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