I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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