I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
