I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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