then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
