I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
