Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
