Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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