Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
