I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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