Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
PANTIES FOUND
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