This is not my ceiling
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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