but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
