I hope my margaritas pass through security.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize