as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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