i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
