He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
