tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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