Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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