forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
