There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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