Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
dude. I can hear the air.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
