Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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