I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
