Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We were destined to go to rehab together
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
