I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
