we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
