Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize