i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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