we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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