Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
