I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
