My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
