i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
