yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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