sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
