"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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