You can't special order awesome
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
