my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
