one two three fourrrrnication!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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