Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
