It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
