I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
