So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
