It's Friday. Sex?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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